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- Meeting the family
- Greetings
- Showing affection in public
- Cleanliness
- Engagement & wedding ceremonies
- The dowry
When a Thai Lady brings you at her house and introduces you as a boyfriend to her parents, the family will probably start evaluating your potential as a marriage partner. What kind of family do you come from? Are you good hearted and responsible or a drunkard, gambler and wastrel? Whatžs your education? Do you have a good job or business? What is your financial situation? Are you sincere or just in Thailand for a tar and then off to some far away land never to be heard from again? Since you are a foreigner, all these factors are hardened for them to determine.
A smile is the chosen vehicle of all ambiguities.
Thai Smiles
it won't take long for you to see why Thailand is called The Land of Smiles So limber up those facial muscles! In Thailand a smile is an essential part of greeting and interacting with people. It can mean virtually anything from Hello, I'm so happy to see you to I'm sorry to I'm angry at you but at least I'll be polite The Thai peoples hospitality is second to none and at first most visitors bask in the warm glow of friendly smiles. It seems that everyone likes you and wants to be your friend! Sometimes people get a bit cynical later on perhaps they have had a negative experience or two and being to think that the Thai smile is hypocritical. Neither attitude is really accurate. Smiling is simply considered the proper way for a Thai to present himself to the world under almost all circumstances. When you are smiled at, don't forget to smile back or you may be perceived as being rude and unfriendly.
The Wai
one of the most important aspects of greeting people in Thailand is the wai. Generally, you put your hands together in front of your chest and bend your head. The higher your hands and the lower you bow your head, the more respect you show. There are four levels of wai in general use as follows:
To wai a monk or statue of Lord Buddha.
- Put your hands together, with both your thumbs between the eyebrows and bend your head and neck as much as you can. You don't need to bend your body very much. Monks, by the way, do not wai back to lay people.
- You can also put your hands on the floor and touch your for head to your hands. This is called a graap you only graap monks or statues of Lord Buddha.
To wai parents or teachers.
Put your hands together with both thumbs near the tip of your nose and bend your head and neck about 45 degrees, not as low as when you wai a monk.
To wai people in general, relatives and older people.
Put your hands together with both thumbs near the tip of your chin and bend your head and neck about 20-25 degrees. This is a very common way to wai and is the one that you should use most of the time. In fact, if you don't know any of the other wais, just use this one with everybody and you should do fine.
Thailand is a very status conscious society and the wai is generally used as a way of showing respect to someone of higher or equal status. The higher status person than returns or acknowledges the wai.
These days, young Thai lovers can often be seen holding hands or hugging each other in public much to the embarrassment and consternation of their elders! Traditionally, it is socially taboo for lovers or even married couples to show affection in public. This goes not only for kissing and snuggling but virtually any physical contact. For example, most Thai women donžt like to be seen holding hands with men in public, especially with foreign men. One reason for this is that they donžt want to lose face and have people think that they are prostitutes even when they are. Be especially sensitive to these concerns when you are around her family and friends. The country girl may not mind holding hands in a Bangkok shopping mall but will want to be strictly proper while visiting her home village. Just because she wants to be a polite girl doesn't mean she won't be an affectionate lover when she is alone with you. While the above comments apply to both men and women, the double standard is alive and well in Thailand and some Thai men may like to show off their foreign girlfriend. Still, as a foreign woman you will make a better impression if you follow the traditional norms against displaying affection publicly.
Strange to many foreigners is the fact that, while public physical contact between men and women is looked down upon, physical contact between adults of the same sex is perfectly acceptable. Itžs not unusual to see two men walking along holding hands or women hugging each other. It doesn't necessarily mean theyžre gay they are just being friendly.
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Personal cleanliness is very important to Thai people. Since Thailand is a hot, humid country people tend to get sweaty and dirty very quickly. Taking two or three showers a day is quite common and most Thai like to bathe before making love. Even though you may not feel that you are dirty, it's usually best to accept and invitation to take a shower or a bath before any sexual interlude. Your Thai lover will feel mush better about you and more confident making love if she knows that both of you are clean.
An engagement meeting is usually held a few days, week or months prior to the wedding at the bride's house. This is when the couple formally introduces themselves to each others families. They also announce the terms of the dowry and date of the wedding. At the most auspicious moment the man places the engagement ring on his prospective bride's finger.
Thai weddings usually start early in the morning. Often the bride will begin preparing her hair and cosmetics at three or four in the morning. The actual ceremony starts with Buddhist monks chanting and blessing the bride and groom. Then food is served with the monks eating first. After that the couple sits side by side, each wearing a headband joined by a white cord. Behind them stand the two best men and the two bridesmaids (all four should be unmarried). Meanwhile, the guests walk by and pour holy water on the hands of the bride and groom and wish them happiness, prosperity and long life.
The wedding ceremony usually ends before noon.
In Thailand it is traditional for the groom to pay the brides family a dowry. What (generally cash) and how much is usually set at the engagement party. The dowry is supposed to be a gift to thank the parents of the bride for raising their daughter. As a practical matter much of it is used to cover the wedding expenses, since the bridežs family generally takes responsibility for the wedding ceremony.
The amount of the dowry is determined by the social status of the brides family, whether she has children or has been married before, her education and how pretty and desirable she is perceived to be. It also reflects on the groomžs status (in case you haven't figured it out yet, status is largely a function of wealth) and can range from a few hundred dollars U.S. to many thousands. If you are going to take the bride away to live in a different country, donžt be surprised if the quote for the dowry is quite high.
Traditional Thai weddings are expensive and many young people feel that they can't afford it. If the bridežs family agrees, they may skip the dowry and split the expenses for a simple wedding. However, if you are a foreign man marrying a Thai woman, this is probably not the best course of action. As a foreigner who can travel internationally you are a person of some wealth by Thai standards and therefore of at least moderately high status. To avoid paying a dowry under these circumstances could be perceived as an insult to the bridežs family. |
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